KTAB-10/24/2007: Relationships 1: Habits

The Blessing and Challenge of Habits

Habits: Learned responses that are so well practiced that they occur without
conscious thought; you can do them without even thinking about it.
In fact, once you’ve got a habit down, it’s usually better NOT to think about it.

There are different kinds of habits, such as . . .

Habits of behavior:

Motor skills - tying my shoelaces, riding a bike, shooting a basket, etc.

Routines of daily living - courtesy/lack thereof, orderliness/lack thereof

Habits of mind:

Mental habits - being "collected" or freewheeling, optimistic/pessimistic,
calming or activating (ex: catastrophizing)

Emotional habits - responsive/non-responsive, chronic crisis mode,
maximizer/minimizer, coping or protective habits

Self/Spirit habits - self-awareness/lack thereof, attunement to self and others/lack
thereof

The blessing of habits is they allow you to do things with a minimum of effort and attention, they free up your mind to think about other things. And if they’re good habits, they bless you because they contribute to your overall well-being.

The challenge of habits is, if they’re not particularly good or helpful, that they hinder your ability to function effectively individually, and in relationships. And since they often operate beyond your immediate awareness, they’re harder to identify, let alone change.

What to do?

Notice what your habits are. Enlist the aid of those close to you to help you identify them, especially the ones that are troublesome in your relationships.
Choose different responses that are in line with what you're wanting. Practice it, hone it, fine tune it until it becomes automatic, or at least you can call up when needed.

People who have good habits of mind and emotion as well as behavior seem to do life and relationships so naturally – it comes easy to them, as opposed to those of us who have to work hard to get the job done. A lot of it has to do with the habits we’ve learned and are most comfortable with, even though they are not helpful.

More to come.

KTAB - When Children Lose a Pet

Losing a personal or family pet, especially one that you've had for a long time, can be hard on anyone, but most especially on a child. It is different for everyone, depending on a number of things including how attached they were to the pet, how old they are and where they are in their intellectual and emotional development, and how many losses they have already sustained in their young lives.

As parents, we may be tempted to "help" them get over it because it's painful for us to see them hurting. For their sakes, the most important thing we can do, especially if this is their first occasion to experience grief over a significant loss, is to reassure them that grieving is the right thing to do when you lose something special to you, and to help them grieve in a healthy way.

Here are a couple links to websites that have helpful information for parents:

From the PBS website:
http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/emotions/death/article11.html

From Best Friends Pet Care:
http://www.bestfriendspetcare.com/Pet_tips/childrenlosingapet.cfm